Is there anybody… OUT THERE?

I’m fascinated by a Beatles song called “I Will”.

Who knows how long I’ve loved you?
You know I love you still.
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to, I will.
For if I ever saw you
I didn’t catch your name
but it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.
Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart.
Love you whenever we’re together
Love you when we’re apart.
And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
And the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know I will
I will.

The song seems to support the idea that there is someone for everyone, out there, somewhere – and that whether or not you’ve met, you’re already in love and always will be.

How can you love someone you haven’t met yet? How can you be willing to “wait a lonely lifetime” for this one particular person? What about the theory that there are SEVERAL someone’s?

If there are several someone’s, it would seem I’ve squandered all of mine. I sometimes wonder, did I give up on love, or did love give up on me? Was it really MY decision to be done with all that, or did the Universe decide that I’d had my chance(s) and blew it?

Being thrown into a chemo-induced state of early menopause at the ripe old age of 33 might have had something to do with it, too. I felt decidedly unattractive during and after chemo. You never know how much you depend upon your hair to feel attractive until it’s gone. After it grew out and I was feeling better about myself, I noticed that … no one was noticing. Not any more. I used to have some fun turning heads walking down the streets of Manhattan in my Victoria’s Secret power suits with a hemline up to THERE. But after chemo, after it had been confirmed that I was no longer child-bearing material, that all ended.

Did I look all that different? Not really. But it was like they knew – all the guys that used to wink, smile and wolf-whistle, they KNEW, somehow, that I could not process their DNA into little legacy beings for them, and they looked right through me. Maybe it’s pheromones? You know, like the little ant scouts that find food and send a chemical signal, and the next thing you know all their little friends are on your doorstep. Maybe the chemical signal dies with menopause. Or maybe it was more of a psychic signal, a change in my own attitude, that put them off.

It was a bit hard to swallow, and baffling too. But of course, not everyone is interested in procreating, and there were still dates to be had, just not with the wolf-whistlers. After a good run of disappointments, I decided to hang it up once and for all. I was done. All the energy and angst, for what, exactly? Was it better than being on my own? No, I can honestly say, it wasn’t.

So now, every time I hear “I Will”, I have to wonder. Is this person REALLY out there, unknown, but already loved, already loving me? Have I passed him on the street, or maybe bumped carts with him at the supermarket?

Can love REALLY start before you have ever met the person? 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that love is this, that, and the other thing, and that it abides. It endures, it continues… I guess the assumption here is “forever”, that love is infinite. Which means not only does it abide into the future, but it must also abide into the past, with no alpha or omega. Kind of like God.

If I never meet this person, or if I have met him but did not recognize him – if I must “wait a lonely lifetime”… then how can this love be real to me, and what was/is the purpose of its alleged existence? Or is it all just a crock?

Which brings me to the title of this post, inspired by Pink Floyd this time – is there anybody… OUT THERE?

I’ve got more questions about love than answers. As usual. As always and “forever and forever” 😉 And if anyone has an answer – even a partial answer – I’m listening!

4 thoughts on “Is there anybody… OUT THERE?”

  1. I can hear Paul singing the words in my head as I read that, you know. 😀

    Physically and biologically I believe that we are indeed, ‘programmed’ to procreate between the ages of approximately 15-45. Therefore, most women, on some level, are open to finding a romantic relationship in that age span. And even if they eventually make the decision not to have children (or if the decision is made by fate for them) buried deep in the recesses of their minds is a biological urge to pair up.

    But beyond the age of about 45, at least with women, that changes. There is more focus on the self. If in a relationship, most will now (if they don’t already have it) want a relationship with a solid foundation of companionship. Or, if not in a relationship, most women are content to live on their own and will only willing change that status for a mature love which has companionship as a centerpiece.

    And perhaps, if someone had this process interrupted at 33, they might stay in the “romantic” relationship phase and not progress to the “companionship” relationship phase?

    I recognize that there’s some real generalizations in what I just wrote (YMMV) – but overall, that’s what I think.

  2. hmm, or else might progress to companionship about ten years too soon – sooner than the available male pool. Interesting food for thought!

  3. This brings to mind something I read once about the 7 year cycle of people and what the focus of their life is on. Let’s see if I can remember it.

    Age 0 – 7 : Parents
    Age 7 – 14: School
    Age 14 – 21: Peers
    Age 21 – 28: Partner
    Age 28 – 35: Children
    Age 35 – 42: Career
    Age 42 – 49: Relationship
    Age 49 – 56: Self
    Age 56 – 63: Community
    Age 63 – 70: God

  4. Crap, mari mari, I did it all wrong — I used the peers/partner years for school, and used the career and relationship years for god and community — egad, I’m screwed (or perhaps this explains why I was not).

    I’ve always loved that song, but it didn’t happen for me either. Some psychoababblist or other whose books I’ve read claims that EVERY person we are attracted to is the same basic person, which is what he says the ‘forever’ of it is. We might as well stay with the first one we find and work it all out. Too late for me on that, too.

    My sister, though, who is a happily active dater promises me that there are wonderful men and wonderful relationships out there just waiting. If that is true, I have never been able to pick up – or send – the appropriate signals. Yesterday I netflixed “He’s just not into you” and came away wondering, is it really as simple as the 3 second stare?

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