In response to the Pope, I declare NEW SINS!

1. Anthropomorphizing God IS A SIN

Do not assign human traits to God. God is not tall, benevolent, bearded, mighty, angry, fat, lean or male. God is God, and is beyond our minuscule comprehension. Therefore we should not assign human traits to God; it probably pisses Her off.

2. Excluding people from God’s table IS A SIN

Any Christian should be able to receive communion in any church. The Catholic Church has no business denying anyone a seat at Jesus’ table, and must immediately retract their posture that communion is only for the Catholics. For Pete’s (literally) sake, Jesus had JEWS (le gasp!) at the very first communion mass!

3. Forcing yourself between me and my God IS A SIN

God and I can hear and understand each other just fine. I don’t need anyone to relay my sins to God for me, and I don’t need anyone to put words into my mouth for God to hear. We’re doing just fine together, just me and God. But thanks for the offer. We’ll be sure to let you know if either one of us ever becomes unable to communicate for ourselves.

4. Deifying humans IS A SIN

Just as assigning human traits to God is a sin, it is also a sin to assign God’s qualities to a mere human, Jesus excepted. NO ONE is “infallible” except for God, so cut that shit out already.

5. Subjugating, devaluing and subsequently alienating fully 50% of the faithful IS A SIN

Bitch, please. It’s the 21st century, and lame excuses like “because Jesus was male” and “because Jesus wasn’t married” just aren’t cutting it any more. Just get over yourselves, start admitting women into the priesthood, and start allowing priests of either gender to marry and pro-create. With each other, even. If you do this, in 10 year’s time you’ll be thanking me for the idea.